Friday, July 02, 2010

I’d always been so afraid to listen for God’s voice. I was terrified He would tell me that my daughter would get sick, or we’d have to give up all our money and live like paupers. It wasn’t until Rhyan was diagnosed that I found myself crying out to Him, with nothing to lose, desperate for a word. Not long after we were told Rhyan was deaf, I was sobbing to Him – take my ears, take my sight. Anything, Lord. Just not my baby. I felt it in my soul, it was time to Be Still. For the first time, I recognized His voice whisper over my heart …

It’s going to be OK.

Just that simple. And I believed.

A few weeks ago, sitting in the doctor’s office with Evynn, I watched her Doctor look over her chart. The look on his face was familiar and panic seized my heart. ‘She fell off the chart in her height. I’m going to order some tests.’ Immediately, I was transported back to all we endured with Rhyan. Hospital visits, tests, diagnoses, insurance. Waiting. I cried out to God, again. ‘No more, Lord, please. No more. Not my baby.’ And, again, I heard His whisper…

It’s going to be OK.

The thing about trials and pain is that they are stepping stones toward God. Rhyan’s deafness, and our decision for her to have a cochlear implant, made us stronger. We grew closer to each other, closer in our faith. Closer in our relationship with our Father. Our past tribulations are like a mirror for us to reflect on and see where God’s hand was in our past. He was faithful and true when He told me that night that everything would be Ok. I believed then, I’ll believe now.

One child is deaf, one child is small. One child I have to draw close to me for her to hear my voice. One child I will be able to hold just a little bit longer. When we’re hurting, when nothing feels right and we don’t feel like we can go on, we can let our Father draw us close to His side so we can hear His voice. And we can let Him hold us just a little bit longer.