On Wednesday after our talk with Rhyan, I couldn’t stop crying. I cried in Wal-mart, I cried in yoga class, I cried on the phone. I was simply sad. After going to the restroom to ensure no one saw me, I cried in a stall at the gym. I said in my heart, “God, my God, I cry out. Your beloved needs You now.” The song filled my mind and brought more tears.

When Jesus heard that Lazurus had died, He wept and His spirit groaned. He knew that He would raise Lazurus from the dead, but He was still heart-broken for His beloved Mary and Martha. While I know that our situation is nothing close to the pain of losing a loved one, I believe that in our sorrow His spirit groans for us. I surrendered to Him in that moment, and several moments since then. After talking to my sister and other loved ones, I have come to realize that I’m allowed to be sad. We all are at one time or another. It doesn’t mean that we've lost our faith, or even our hope.

Right now, I’m just sad for my child, as my Father is sad for His. And as I held Rhyan close as she cried Tuesday night, Jesus is holding me now.

I Will Lift My Eyes
Written by Bebo Norman and Jason Ingram

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to theMaker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

Amen.