Friday, July 25, 2008

I smile and laugh, “Why me?”
I cry, “Lord, look at her!”
I whisper in her tiny ear
“You’re going to change this world.”

One moment with a doctor
Our lives forever changed
I fell to the ground and hit my knees
Lord, take away this pain.

I cry out, “God, why me?”
I weep, “Lord, look at her.”
I want her to hear my voice.
I want her to change the world.

I heard Him say, “Child, stop.
I need you to be still
I need for you to trust Me now.
To know that it’s My will.

He cried, “Because I love you.”
He whispered, “I love her.
I want her to hear My voice
I want her to change My world.

I don’t want your ears
I don’t want your sight
I don’t want your limbs
I won’t take your life.

He cried, “Because I love you.”
He whispered, “I love her.
She listens for My voice now.
She’s going to change My world.

Child, watch her change My world.


Monday, July 21, 2008

I don’t know if you’ve ever had one of those days where ‘quiet’ kept running from you. I found myself chasing ‘quiet’ the other day while Evynn was chasing me. It was a little game of tag and no one was winning.

I finally turned to Evynn and said, “I NEED TIME TO MYSELF!”. Just a couple minutes away from the ‘I wants’ and the ‘I needs’. PLEASE!!

However, when I knelt down to look Evynn in the eye, she stared back into mine and said, “Mommy, I see me in your eyes”. She was looking at her face reflecting in my eyes and it immediately went straight to my heart. When she looks at me she will always see herself. I mold her. I shape her attitudes, her temper tantrums, her sense of humor, her anger, her patience, her laughter. And I will ultimate shape who she will be as a mommy. I need to be the mommy I want her to be.

I will have plenty of time to catch quiet. And then it will break my heart. So, when my daughter chases me, I will let myself get caught. When she wants to give me a hug, I’ll never say no. And when she wants me to hold her, even if I’m tired and needing some time to myself, I will try my best to remember that my time to hold her will end way before my arms are ready.


Sunday, July 13, 2008

God is good all the time. All the time, God is good!!

Remington is laying by my feet as I type this. No small miracle since, at the very least, he was supposed to be in the vet hospital for another 8 days. Our vet said that he had a very small chance of pushing the stone in Remi’s private puppy place back into his bladder. However, if he was able to do this, Rem would have to undergo only one surgery and the recovery time would be a day as opposed to 8 to 10 days. So we prayed.

We spent Thursday and Friday waiting for the call that would tell us for sure if the all the stones were gone. We received the call Friday afternoon to come pick him up! All I could do was praise God for answering my prayer. Our $2000 bill was just cut down to $1100. We’ll take it.

I whole-heartedly believe that without prayer, our situation would have turned out very differently. And without faith, we would have probably put him down. $1100 is still a lot to think about, but what this has done is teach us to be better stewards of His money. And that’s something that we should have been doing all along.

I’ll take every lesson He has to teach me, and I will pray that I learn the lessons well. And I’ll know that whatever we have to go through to learn from the Master, will always be worth it.


Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I sit here tonight and ponder what I could do with $2000. I could go to TJ Maxx and have a blast. I could have Lasik surgery. I could have a couple cups of my very favorite Starbucks lattes. I could get two of those amazing gemstone rings I’ve been eyeing at Sam’s Club for the past 7 years.

Or I could buy my dog’s life.

Remington Prescott started messing the floor early yesterday morning, and we soon discovered blood in his urine. In one extremely short afternoon, our first ‘baby’ was diagnosed with bladder stones (one of which was lodged in a very personal puppy place) and we had a decision to make. We could go through with the surgery, or we could have him put down. Matt was on one side of the fence, I was on the other. My constant flow of tears and a quick visit with Remi in his kennel brought Matt through the gate to my side. We are going to gain a healthy dog and lose a chunk of our savings.

Realizing that our lives will suffer financially has strangely brought me peace. While I’ve never paid for a manicure, never had a Pedi, color my own hair, gain my hair styles from the closest Super Cuts, and grocery shop at Walmart, this still hits hard. But, another financial blow means that one more finger is being loosened in my clutch of the things of this world.

So, I will praise God in His infinite wisdom and I will be grateful for the gifts He’s given me. Including the one with a tail and floppy ears